


Sleep Tight

by atimi (bertee)



Series: CWRPF: Schemes [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cuddling and Snuggling, Flashback, M/M, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Peril
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-24
Updated: 2010-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-02 03:40:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertee/pseuds/atimi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen has a very unpleasant nightmare about his very unpleasant ex and Jared tries to make him better by way of cuddles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleep Tight

Jared woke up before Jensen did.

It was still dark out, the moonlight filtering in around the curtains, and as Jared blinked his eyes open, it took him a moment to realize that something other than the chirp of his alarm had woken him up. He could feel Jensen on the mattress next to him, warm and sleep-heavy and snuggleable, but when he rolled over to make with the snuggling, he didn't miss the quiet, hurt noise that escaped Jensen's lips.

Jensen was still fast asleep, curled up on his side with one hand holding on tight to his pillow, but his eyes were screwed shut and his brow was creased with worry as he burrowed under the covers. He let out another soft cry, too low for Jared to be able to make out any words, but the tension in every line of his body was more than enough to let him know that Jensen was caught in the grip of a nightmare.

Hating that there was nothing he could do to protect Jensen from the enemies in his own head, Jared shuffled as close as the bed would allow and bit his lip as he watched Jensen bury his head further into the pillow, as though trying to hide from something. Jared knew better than to touch him when he had dreams like this - Jensen hadn't reacted well the last time he'd woken up to Jared's hands on him, and Jared had learned that his 'Must Cuddle Jensen' instinct should sometimes be suppressed in favor of the more important 'Must Not Traumatize Jensen' goal - but he couldn't just roll over and ignore it when he knew Jensen was suffering.

"Shhh," he whispered when Jensen shifted and let out another muffled plea. "S'okay, Jen. 'm right here."

Jensen's breathing stuttered and Jared slid his hand underneath where Jensen was gripping the pillow, wanting to offer him whatever reassurance he could. It wasn't a huge leap to guess that Jensen was dreaming about Jeff again, and Jared was pretty sure that Jensen would rather be reminded of his cuddly current boyfriend rather than his skeevy and abusive ex. Jensen's fingers curled around his hand, clinging on tight, and Jared rubbed his thumb over Jensen's knuckles in slow strokes, willing him to come back from whatever nightmare he was trapped in.

He didn't need to wait long. Jensen stirred seconds later, his grip on Jared's hand tightening as he jolted awake, and Jared felt the usual ache of sympathy in his chest when he saw the flash of terror in Jensen's eyes before he remembered where he was. His eyes darted around the room as he tried to slow his breathing down, and Jared kept running his thumb over his knuckles until Jensen focused enough to look at him with wide, wet eyes.

"Hey," Jared said with a tiny smile. "You with me?"

Jensen blinked at him, breath still coming out in short, shaky gasps, and Jared squeezed his hand in silent reassurance when he felt the tremors running through Jensen's body.

"S-sorry," Jensen stammered, clearly shaken up from his dream. He pulled his hand away and shifted backwards towards the edge of the bed. "I shouldn't have woken you up. I'm sorry." He stumbled to his feet, clad only in a pair of boxers and one of Jared's t-shirts as he backed towards the bathroom with more nervous apologies, "You should get some sleep. I just- I'll be quiet."

He disappeared inside the bathroom before Jared could stop him. Slumping back down against his pillow with a sigh, Jared scrubbed a hand across his face when he heard the tell-tale hitch of Jensen's breathing through the bathroom door before the sound was disguised by the noise of running water.

It had been over three months but evidently Jensen still wasn't clear on the concept that Jared wasn't the same as Jeff. While Jeff might have prefered it when Jensen was seen but not heard, Jared wasn't a complete asshole and hated the fact that Jensen apparently felt like he had to seem happy and well-adjusted every second of the day.

Swinging his legs out of bed, Jared padded over to the bathroom door in his sweats and knocked lightly, not wanting to spook Jensen any more. "Jensen? You okay in there, dude?"

The water shut off abruptly and Jared rested his forehead against the door in defeat when Jensen called back nervously, voice thick with tears, "I'm fine, I- I'll be right out. M'sorry."

He sounded wrecked and Jared felt fresh guilt rise up at the evidence of Jensen slipping back into his habit of apologizing for everything, even when nothing about the situation was his fault. Leaning against the door jamb, he tried to keep his voice soothing and level as he said, "It's okay, man. Take your time." He took a breath and tried to phrase it as best he could, "You know you can talk to me if you want to, right? I'm not going to judge you for anything or make fun of you or tell you to shut up. I'm here to listen to whatever's on your mind." He smiled sadly. "I worry about you, Jen. Seein' you like this scares the shit out of me sometimes."

"I'm sor-"

"And don't say you're sorry," Jared interrupted from the other side of the door. "That wasn't mean to make you feel bad, or guilt you into talking to me, or any other douche-move like that. I mean, as scary as it is for me, I know it's gotta be a hundred times worse for you, and I don't wanna push you into anything you're not ready for. I just want you to know that I'm here when you are ready, y'know? I'm the safety net to your tightrope." He frowned. "Or the safety net to your tightrope-walking person. Whatever. The point is that I'm here to be some kind of giant catching device if you want me to be."

Jensen's breathing was still uneven but Jared was pretty sure he was smiling a little when he replied, "Okay."

"Awesome." He pushed his hair back out of his face and leaned in close to the door one last time. "I'm gonna get back into bed. You come out when you're ready, okay?"

"Okay." Jensen's voice was barely above a whisper but Jared figured that any communication at all counted as a good sign. He'd take morse code at this point if it was the only way Jensen would talk to him.

Clambering back under the covers, Jared did his best to make his mind wander away from thoughts of the empty space on Jensen's side of the bed and from useless speculation about what kind of dream had left Jensen so scared. He was therefore in the middle of a suitable daydream (nightdream?) about Jeff being molested by a vindictive crocodile somewhere in the Amazon when the bathroom door was eased open as Jensen made his way across the bedroom and back into the bed.

His head stayed down the whole way, his shoulders hunched and his lower lip caught between his teeth, and when he settled back down on the pillow, the moonlight caught his face enough for Jared to see that his eyes were still red and swollen from where he'd been crying. Not wanting to make things worse, Jared forced himself to lie still but he couldn't keep from feeling glad when Jensen edged closer, looking up at him as though asking for permission.

Since he was unable to resist cuddling Jensen even when he was trying to preserve some dignity in a public setting, Jared wasn't about to say no to shameless cuddle-giving when he was tucked up in bed with his still-shaking boyfriend, and he wrapped his arm around Jensen's shoulders, pulling him in close until Jensen was pressed against him from knee to shoulder. Jared hooked their feet together, feeling Jensen smile against him at the teasing touch, and he sank back into the pillow to stare sleepily up at the ceiling as Jensen curled into his side and rested his head on Jared's shoulder.

Jared expected it to be over. He was ready to drift back into dreams of Jeff dying a horrible death, safe in the knowledge that Jensen wasn't spending the night on the bathroom floor, and while he might have entertained the hope that someday, way in the future, Jensen would open up about what was scaring him so much, he was taken by surprise when Jensen said quietly, "It was Jeff."

Jared froze, less shocked by the fact that Jensen was having nightmares about his ex than by the fact that Jensen was voluntarily mentioning Jeff's name at all. Not knowing what to say - but not wanting Jensen to clam up again - he ran his fingers through Jensen's hair in shaky strokes as he asked carefully, "That was what you were dreaming about?"

Jensen nodded against his shoulder, not looking up at him as he wrapped his arm tighter around Jared's waist. "He-" He cut himself off, shivering in Jared's arms, and Jared's heart started to beat faster as cold dread settled in his stomach. "When he found out about us," Jensen began again, voice barely holding steady, "when he'd stopped hitting me, he broke my arm."

Jared made a soft noise of acknowledgement. He'd been around after Jeff had skipped town, had seen the damage done to Jensen's arm and had gone to enough doctor's appointments to get a good idea of how much force Jeff had put into the injury, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with the thought of Jensen being on the receiving end of that kind of violence. "Is that what happened in your dream? It's okay if it was - something like that would freak me out too, man."

Jensen shook his head. "No. At the start, maybe, but now it's always-" He took a breath but his voice wavered anyway as he said, "After he broke my arm, he got his gun. I couldn't run anywhere - he had me trapped in against the wall - and he kept waving his gun around, talking about how he was going to kill me and then kill you, or how he was going to make me watch you die first before he killed me too. H-he shoved me against the wall and put the barrel right in my face – h-he put it under my chin and between my eyes and then pressed up against my eyelid, and I- I couldn't stop him."

He sucked in another breath and Jared tightened his arm around his shoulders, not trusting his voice to work yet.

"I tried," Jensen whispered, almost pleading with Jared to believe him. "I fought, and I begged, and I tried to get away, but I couldn't. My arm-"

"It's okay," Jared said quickly, carding his fingers through Jensen's hair. "It's not your fault. You did everything you could."

Jensen shook his head, face pressed so close to Jared's shoulder that Jared could feel tears start to drip down onto his bare skin. "It wasn't enough. I offered him everything I had - money, sex, whatever he wanted - but it wasn't enough. He-" Jensen wet his lips again and his voice sounded icy with fear as he continued, "He told me to shut up. He said I was worthless, that there was nothing I could give him, and that he didn't want to hear me talk anymore." He let out a shaky breath. "Then he put his gun in my mouth."

Jared's eyes widened and his heart seemed to plummet at the thought of Jensen pinned up against a wall, beaten and terrified, while Jeff pressed a gun against the roof of his mouth. "Jen..."

"He took it out again," Jensen said, stumbling over his terrified words. "He took it out and he's gone and you're here and I know how it all plays out, but when I'm asleep, it's like being back there. I- I can taste it and smell it and feel it against my tongue, and I'm trying to tell him about the money but he's holding my jaw open and looking right at me with that fucking smile on his face, and then he puts his finger on the trigger, and I- I don't wanna die, Jared. God-"

He broke off, voice giving out under the weight of tears, and Jared blinked the blur of moisture out of his own eyes as he pulled Jensen in closer, wrapping both arms around his trembling shoulders and kissing the top of his head. "Shh," he soothed, rubbing his hand up and down between Jensen's shoulder blades, "shh, it's okay." It wasn't okay, wasn't anywhere close to okay judging by the sick roll of his stomach at the thought of how close he'd come to losing Jensen for good, but Jared swallowed it back in favour of not freaking Jensen out any more. "It's over, I'm right here."

"I'm sorry," Jensen whispered, sounding ragged and exhausted as he tried to pull away. "You don't need this..."

"Hey, don't be sorry," Jared said, tugging him back into the hug and feeling him tense up against him. "I want you to tell me things like this, man. I'm not Jeff, remember? I'm the good boyfriend who actually gives a crap about you being upset." Jensen smiled a little, almost involuntarily, and Jared cuddled him tighter, wishing that hugs had some kind of magical healing powers. "You know none of that was your fault, right? You didn't deserve any of what he did to you."

Jensen shook his head, still tense in Jared's arms. "I cheated on him..."

"And he treated you like shit," Jared pointed out. "Either way, you could've slept with every guy in this city and that still wouldn't give him the right to pull a gun on you. It wasn't your fault, Jen. I promise."

Interpreting Jensen's lack of protests as a step in the right direction, he kissed him on the forehead and said softly, "I'm right here, okay? I'm not dumb enough to think that you're gonna magically stop dreaming about him but there's nothing to be scared of. He's never coming back and the only things you need to worry about now are the dogs snoring in your face and me falling asleep on top of you on the couch."

Jensen chuckled at that and Jared breathed out in relief when he felt him relax against him. "You're heavy, dude."

"Psht, you could've just shoved me off," Jared countered, rubbing his fingers in slow, massaging patterns on the back of Jensen's neck. "You love using me as a human blanket, don't lie."

Jensen laughed again and Jared tried not to think about how grateful he was just to hear that sound as his mind replayed the image of Jensen with a gun in his mouth and Jeff's finger on the trigger. "You are pretty insulating," Jensen admitted, "but I don't think being a human blanket is your best career choice."

"Yeah, I guess it would be a waste of all that architect training," Jared teased, loosening his grip so that Jensen could shuffle up the bed until their heads were closer together. Jensen's body was warm and comfortable against his own and Jared reached up to wipe the last wet smudge of tears off Jensen's cheek before asking quietly, "You think you can go back to sleep?"

Jensen nodded, still looking embarrassed about what he'd told him earlier, and Jared lowered his head to kiss him gently on the lips. Jensen leaned into him instinctively, resting his hand over Jared's heart, and Jared slipped his hand up the back of Jensen's tee to stroke over the warm skin of his back as he licked inside his mouth, keeping all his movements slow and steady and smooth.

Pulling back, he smiled when he saw Jensen blink at him with tired eyes, and he promptly settled back down under the covers again before speaking into Jensen's ear, "Dear Jensen's brain, please stop making him have nightmares about Jeff. Now I don't know if you already know this, seeing as how you're a brain and all, but dreams about Jeff getting attacked by a large horde of angry armadillos would be way better than dreams about him being a psychotic asswipe." Jensen laughed, head resting against Jared's shoulder, and Jared let his lips brush against Jensen's temple as he finished whispering to his brain, "So if you could get started on that now, that would be awesome. I will also accept dreams about me being a dashing and handsome ninja if you have trouble with Jeff-related thoughts. Yours sincerely, Jensen's concerned boyfriend."

He finished with a light kiss to Jensen's head and then laid back to let Jensen settle comfortably against him once he'd stopped laughing. "See?" he said with a yawn. "Your brain just needs reminding that I am way more awesome to dream about than Jeff."

Smiling, Jensen cuddled in close to go to sleep and said fondly, more to himself than to Jared, "I can't believe I ended up with you."

"Tell me about it," Jared teased. "I mean, you totally deserve someone who isn't lame enough to talk directly to your brain. You should request a boyfriend upgrade. Cupid is clearly asleep at the wheel."

Jensen elbowed him lightly in the side and yawned. "You know what I mean," he said drowsily, glancing up at Jared through half-lidded eyes. "Thank you. I know I'm not the best guy to have as a boyfriend-"

"Hey-"

Before Jared could point out that, as far as he was concerned, Jensen was the very best guy to have as a boyfriend, Jensen pressed on, "-but thank you for listening tonight. It- I think it helped."

"Anytime," Jared said honestly, dipping his head to kiss him on the lips again. "Seriously, I'm here whenever you need me, dude. I know it goes against the Tao of Jeff, but good relationships do actually involve being supportive sometimes. It's a revolutionary concept."

Catching his lips in one final, happy kiss, Jensen eased one of his legs between Jared's to leave them wrapped up in each other even when they broke apart and lay down to go to sleep again. Jared watched the last of the worry on Jensen's face smooth out into calmness in the glow of the moonlight, and he closed his own eyes just as he heard Jensen's exhausted whisper, breathed out against his shoulder, "Love you."

"Love you too." Yawning, Jared let himself sink into the bed and into Jensen's arms, and he meant it when he said sleepily, "Sweet dreams, man."


End file.
